False Rebirth

Yuyuko: I want food!!!! -takes banana and mochi-
Yuyuko: -eats mochi and shoves banana up #######'s ####-
Flandre: awww!!!
Troll: Just stop it. Your RP'ing is horrible. You're an 18 year old guy and you're role-playing yuyuko in such a childish and obscene manner.
Reil: Can you stop bullying him? He feels very sad each time you do this to him.
Troll: I'm not trolling; I'm just pointing out the truth.
Yuyuko: STOP TROLLING OAO
Yuyuko: If this is the way I'm treated then I'm going to lea

Disrupted from his RP cybering and palpitating with rage, "Yuyuko" suddenly clutched his chest, a dull pain spreading from its centre. An empty gasp escaped him. Fumbling, his other hand slipped off the keyboard and his sweaty naked body tumbled awkwardly onto the floor, where he lay still.


...


...


After an indeterminate amount of time


...


...

Yuyuko opened his eyes. He was no longer in his dank and dirty room. He was lying in a bright place, a forest clearing. Everything was so bright... It felt warm and comfortable. He tried to shield his eyes from the glaring sun.


Then he caught sight of his sleeve. A light white-and-blue kimono sleeve, with a dark blue trim. It looked extremely familiar.

Startled, he sat up and looked at his outfit. He was wearing a kimono. A light blue kimono. He reached to his head and felt a soft mob cap. Taking it off, he noticed that it was blue as well, and on the front there was a hitaikakushi with a red ghost insignia.

It occurred to him that he was wearing Yuyuko's outfit. His mind full of confusion at how he got here, yet not terribly displeased with the situation, he checked himself out. Unfortunately while he was attired as Yuyuko, the similarity had ended there. There was no voluptuous chest. There was no sakura-pink hair. There was no elegance. He was still a stunted and pudgy boy.

But he brushed all these aside; they didn't matter. He needed to show someone. He was now reborn as a Yuyuko.

Stumbling to his feet, he got up and walked through a trail leading out of the clearing.


...


The trail ended at a small Shinto shrine. It looked dirt-poor and old, but had been well-maintained. He glanced at the Torii, the shrine gate, and with his rudimentary knowledge of Japanese he could just make out the kanji Ha-ku-rei. His heart skipped a beat and he let out a small cry of joy. He didn't understand what was happening and how he got here, but he knew. He knew that he was at home. Somehow or other, he was in Gensokyo. He was Yuyuko, and he was in Gensokyo.

Maybe he was dead, and this was his reward in the afterlife. His reward for staying true to Touhou and believing in it with all his heart. He stepped through the Torii. He knew who would be residing within, and wanted to make himself known. He wanted to make sure that it was all true.

Racing through the paved path towards the shrine, he spotted a maid, her back facing him, dressed in blue and white.

"Sakuya!" He called out cheerfully. "Let me feel your PADS!!!!"

"Who the f---"… The maid turned around, drawing knives out of seemingly nowhere, raising them in a throwing stance when…

... she spontaneously burst out into laughter.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Yuyuko stopped, confused. For a moment he regretted blurting out those words and was prepared to accept death a second time, but now Sakuya was laughing uncontrollably.

"AHAHAHA -haha- Mistress! Come and take a look at this!"

In the distance a small figure with wings and sporting a parasol looked back and then subsequently convulsed with laughter.

"What's so funny? How dare you laugh at the Ghost Princess of Hakugyokurou!" Yuyuko yelled.

Unfortunately this had the side effect of making them laugh even harder.

The distant figure -Remillia- regained her composure first and strode over.

"Sakuya, that's enough. We do not quarrel with the "Ghost Princess of Hakugyokurou". We ought to treat him like the royalty that he is, and escort him to the Miko's party."

"Hmph." Yuyuko nodded, not catching the vampire's contradiction in referring to him.

"I'm sure he'll be quite a hit with the other guests there." Sakuya said, suppressing a smirk.


...


...


...


The party was in chaos. Plates crashed, tea was spilt, tables were overturned.

Amidst hooting and hollering and peals of laughter, Yuyuko stood there, red-faced, the centre of attention.

His awkward advances on the girls of Gensokyo were repulsed with tight slaps to the face followed by ridiculing laughter. Accustomed to his Touhou-themed cybering, their reactions came as an ugly shock to his senses.

This was not the Gensokyo he was supposed to be in! He was the Ghost Princess Yuyuko Saigyouji. How dare they. How dare they. How dare they!!! Soon Youmu, his faithful servant, will come and slay them all. He need not lift a finger. All he needs to do now is to be silent and wait for help to arrive.

"Why do you all hate me so much?" He couldn't help asking despite it all.

"Oh no! We don't hate you at all. You're very adorable!" Reimu was the first to reply in between gasps.

"More adorable…. and ignorant than that idiot Cirno!" Marisa chipped in, out of breath. Nearby, Yukari was struggling to breathe after spurting a mouthful of tea across the room.

Yuyuko stared at the laughing faces. He might be ignorant, but he was not ignorant to the fact that everybody was laughing at him. But you couldn't blame them. How could anyone not laugh at the pudgy boy, dressed in all of Hakugyokurou's finery, claiming to be its ruler?

Tears streaming from his eyes, he stared hatefully at all of them.


...


Suddenly a chill permeated the room. Everyone sensed this and fell silent, an uneasy air settling amongst them. Perhaps this pretender to the throne had some merit behind his claim after all. Was he (the real) Yuyuko's bastard child? But ghosts couldn't bear children. But then what was this chilly atmosphere that surrounded them, charging the air with malice?

The sliding door opened to reveal Youmu, one hand gripping the hilt of her wakizashi.

"Kill them, Youmu! Make them pay for their crimes!" Yuyuko shrieked triumphantly.

The terrified partygoers glanced at Youmu and then back at Yuyuko. But there was something wrong. Youmu wasn't even looking at them.

"No. It is you who will pay for your crime instead." A cold feminine voice announced from the hallway.


...


Yuyuko stood there, rooted in fear. Wasn't he the only Yuyuko around? Why is Youmu staring at me so menacingly? He wondered.

Before he could carry on his train of thought, the real Yuyuko stepped in. Not Yuyuko the pathetic imitation but Yuyuko, the true ruler of the netherworld. Dignified and with an air of grace, she strode across the room, ghosts swirling at her feet. She bore no expression, but her cold eyes conveyed her hate for the hideous mockery cowering in front of her.

"You have embarrassed me to no end. You have gone too far."

"I-I-I didn't know, I wasn't -- I t-thought-"

"I have lost my face thanks to you. Aya Shameimaru is going to have a field day with your little joke."

"I'm sorry ?"

"They'll be laughing about this for the next ten thousand years!" Yuyuko screamed, breaking her composure.

"Youmu. Punish this brat."

"How shall I do it?"

"He shall lose his face to pay for mine. Rip it off and banish him to Makai."

"No---!" Yuyuko wailed and soon his cries were mixed with the sounds of tearing flesh.


...


...


...


It hurt. It hurt so badly. But even worse, he had been utterly rejected by Gensokyo and incurred the wrath of the true Yuyuko herself. His face, or what was left of it, stung him painfully in the cold and hostile environment of Makai. But he was being cradled in someone's arms. Cradled lovingly, gently.
He looked up at his saviour. She looked familiar… like a certain friend of his...

"Reil...?"

It hurt him to speak through his mutilated lips, but he at least wanted to thank her by name.

"No.... I am Byakuren, child. Byakuren Hijiri. "

"Byakureil...?"

Byakuren sighed, took off his mob cap, and covered his raw face with it. She could tell that Yuyuko was dying. Unprepared humans do not last long in Makai and this one was grievously injured.

At least someone had accepted him...

Yuyuko's world faded to nothing.


...


...


In a hospital room

Yuyuko lay there, comatose, the ECG beeping steadily by his bed.

Abruptly, his face contorted: first that of horror, then that of pain, and then finally that of bliss.

With a final wheeze, his ECG flatlined and whistled shrilly.

And "Yuyuko" died again, finally free from these cruel worlds.











_{*Based on true events. Such is the sad, sad degenerate of a fandom we call Toho}